When you are going through a divorce, it can be scary being thrown into an area of life you never thought you would be in. Friends and family start to weigh in on your decisions and processes of divorce. Some may offer you advice on their own divorce process, saying how long or horrible it was. But this doesn’t mean your transition through divorce has to be lengthy and difficult. This is why we have compiled five of the most common myths and misconceptions of divorce to help you navigate typical falsehoods linked to divorcing and get through in the healthiest way possible.
Myth 1: “I need to the find the biggest, meanest divorce lawyer in town.”
“The days of the ‘shark’ divorce lawyer are over. Courts are simply too overworked anymore for the prototypical, loud and intimidating trial attorney to bully the court to get their client’s desired outcome. Over 90 percent of all divorce cases end up settling no matter who represents you. Courts expect the attorneys to avoid litigation and to work together in finding a fair resolution on behalf of their clients. Typically, these resolutions are made right before trial - and after spouses have already spent on average between $30,000-$40,000.”
--- Crispino Pastore, Co-founder, Main Line Family Law Center
Myth 2: “Keeping the house is one of the most important things I can achieve in the settlement.”
“This is a common goal, but it is not always in the best interest of either party. Too many people end up house poor after ‘getting the house.’ This delays their financial and personal recovery after divorce.”
--- Ellen Morfei, Mediator and Conflict Coach, Progressive Conflict Solutions
Myth 3: “I only need to plan for my financial future once the divorce is completed.”
“Most people gain peace of mind by planning for their financial future prior to the divorce being complete. In fact, the planning can often help you come to a settlement more quickly and more confidently because you understand what you need in order to maintain your current lifestyle.”
--- Mckenzie Frankel, Partner, Entrust Financial
Myth 4: “It is better for the kids if we stay together.”
“When parents are able to conflicts low, children are less likely to suffer negative psychological effects. Parenting apart enables parents to bring their best selves to the task; and making a plan for raising children separately forces parents to contemplate what truly serves the children’s best interests. When you get divorced, each parent has to position himself or herself to do better in every category. Logistical issues can be resolved; discord never goes away. When a divorce or separation finally does occur, even adult children are left wondering about the authenticity of the family life they thought they had.”
---Sandi Sherr, Parenting Mediator, Main Line Family Law Center
Myth 5: “Divorce is a failure.”
“The notion that divorce is a failure is damaging to both partners and isn’t true. When divorce arises, it is an indication that there is hurt, that partners are not getting their needs met, and that one or both partners is changing. Accepting that divorce is about making a change to move in a more positive direction is a much healthier approach and opens a path for a more amicable and less costly process. Not all partnerships are meant to last forever so accepting when a healthy relationship has run its course is a much more productive way to think about divorce.”
--- Adina Laver, Divorce and Relationship Coach, Divorce Essentials
Want to learn more myths of divorce?
Download the rest of our e-book,
26 Myths and Misconceptions of Divorce.