Adina Laver, Divorce and Relationship Coach

Recent Posts

Divorce and the Holidays: Two Must-Have Gifts for Kids and You

Posted by Adina Laver, Divorce and Relationship Coach
November 26, 2013 at 11:23 AM

If navigating or managing your divorce was not stressful enough, now the holidays are approaching… Match the stress of your divorce with the guilt of “ruining” the holidays for your kids and the fact that you do not have the money to spend on big gifts, and you may as well pack it in! Right? WRONG!

Keep reading… there is hope for your happy holidays yet, and there are gifts you can give your kids and yourself that everyone will continue to enjoy all year long.

One of my (Jewish) kids’ favorite movies is Miracle on 34th Street. We watch the black and white version every year where an older gentleman convinces everyone that he truly is Santa Claus.  His own belief about his identity is so steadfast that others soon follow suit.

What is so intoxicating about this movie is how it invites us to truly believe…to suspend everything we think we know about reality, and to believe in something that we otherwise cannot rationalize as true. If you haven’t seen the movie and don’t know what I am talking about, go rent it, get it on Netflix, whatever. Watching it can be a fabulous new tradition at this time of year - regardless of your religion - and you will know what I am talking about.

If you are navigating divorce, you may be convinced that you are ruining their kids’ lives. If you cannot afford the usual holiday gifts, you may also be convinced that your kids will be miserable and hate you over the holidays. And even worse, if your ex (or ex-to-be) can afford gifts that you can’t, you might as well take your place as the lesser parent.

This is what you think you know, but it is not really true.

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Topics: The Mindful Divorcing Parent

People Pleasing and Your Divorce Settlement Don't Mix

Posted by Adina Laver, Divorce and Relationship Coach
October 14, 2013 at 12:11 PM

Are you suffering from the "disease to please?"

As a divorce and relationship coach, one of the most common things I hear when I speak with partners contemplating divorce is that each feels as though they are doing so much for the other and that their partner is unappreciative. 

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Topics: Your Wellbeing

Preparing for Divorce? How to Avoid 5 Major Financial Mistakes

Posted by Adina Laver, Divorce and Relationship Coach
April 9, 2013 at 8:50 PM

One of the top three concerns that most people have when facing divorce is finances. Will I have enough to live on? Will I lose everything? Is it possible to maintain my standard of living after the divorce? What I am entitled to if I have not been the primary wage earner? What I am entitled to if I am the primary wage earner? How will we save for our kids’ education with less to go around?

People do not generally get divorced for financial reasons alone, but all divorces have financial implications. Even under the best of circumstances, many individuals and couples have difficulty navigating through financial decisions. In the context of divorce – which is already a highly emotional time – things become even more complicated and can trigger some of the most powerful emotions including fear, mistrust, anger, guilt and resentment.

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Topics: Getting In Financial Shape