Lessons on Getting Out of Divorce Despair

By Adina Laver

The Next Chapter - Book CircleI recently read Jessica Bram’s book, Happily Ever After Divorce: Notes of a Joyful Journey.She writes about her journey through a very painstaking divorce and how she discovered a path to rebuilding her life in a way that left her stronger and happier than she ever imagined on the other side. 

Peppered throughout her story are nuggets of wisdom that we can all benefit from.

You Have to Go Through It

Jessica recalls a book that she read to her children, Going on a Bear Hunt. In the book, each time the bear meets a challenge along the way, the author introduces the recurring refrain, “You can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You have to go through it.” Indeed, the path to rebuilding your life after divorce is fraught with new challenges that arise each day, and the only way to find happiness on the other side is to face them head on. You will get through them.

This Too Shall Pass

Have you ever had a day when you could not imagine things getting any worse...and then they did? Everyone going through a dvorce has faced that. And while it feels impossible to see the way through these low points to anywhere else, the truth is, this reality is true now, but it will pass. As sure as the river continues to flow, time will continue to pass and things will change. Tomorrow always brings a new opportunity for things to be different…and you can make them different. Remind yourself of your own power to influence the outcome, especially if you have hired a divorce lawyer and are planning on going to court. One of the most powerful discoveries that any of us can make is that we are all really much stronger and wiser than we ever believed ourselves to be.  Knowing what your options actually are for divorce is empowering.

You're Never Really Alone

And a third nugget for getting out of the "Pit of Divorce Despair" to is to realize that you do not have to go it alone. There is tremendous support for divorce available in all kinds of places, inlcuding The Next Chapter - a book circle that empowers you to turn the page on your divorce story and begin the next chapter anew.

The Next Chapter - Join our Book Circle

Inspired while reading this book during the course of my own divorce, I wanted to share it with others. The Next Chapter Book Circle offers community, resources and coaching in a group format to support individuals in creating their own Happily Ever After story.

Next Chapter Divorce Book Club Recovery resized 600

Through Bram's story, some of the topics we will be discussing include: 

  • Rebuilding self esteem 
  • Developing confidence in handling everyday tasks and earning a living 
  • Approaching custodial issues with respect
  • Helping kids thrive during and in the aftermath of divorce
  • Discovering the delightful opportunities presented by a new life situation
  • Approaching dating with humor and an upbeat attitude
  • Opening your heart to love again

Confronting the Reality of Big Change

Whether your divorce agreement is constructed in three months under fairly amicable terms with a mediator or painstakingly battled over three years with an army of lawyers and judges, the effects of the separation reverberate a long time.

Regardless of who initiated discussions about divorce or the reason why, everyone will be confronted with the effects of change…a new home, parenting responsibilities that used to be shared and are now all yours (at least when you have the kids), a different financial reality, chores you never had to do before, the silence of an empty house, and so on.

You know that place… where feelings of loss, anger, fear and helplessness besiege us. Where we sit waiting for someone to send us that lifeline that will pull us out so we can feel the sunlight on our face again.

Feeling isolated is depressing. I encourage you to read stories of others who have been through divorce, and experience the journey of divorce together to move past a painful divorce.

It is amazing how these changes can be both welcome and generate tremendous fear and anger at the same time. And here is what is critically important….NOT to get stuck in the pit of despair.  Your family's future depends on how you are able to prepare for your divorce emotionally.

About the Author

Adina Laver

Picture of Adina Laver As a life empowerment coach, Adina Laver, MBA, M.Ed, CPC helps individuals in transition, particularly separation and divorce, work past the difficult decisions they typically face. By leveraging individual strengths, Adina helps clients stay true to themselves and their values, especially during times of great pressure and emotionally-charged decisions.

Topics: Fresh Starts